Year+12+Formal+Writing++Everyone's+a+Critic

=2007 = Subject Reference: **English 2.2**
 * Internal Assessment Resources **

Supports internal assessment for: Achievement Standard 90376 Produce crafted and developed formal transactional writing Credits: 3

**Date version published: ** April 2007.
 The following guidelines are supplied to enable teachers to carry out valid and consistent assessment using this internal assessment resource.
 * Ministry of Education **For use in internal assessment from
 * quality assurance status: **2007.
 * Teacher Guidelines: **

This resource may be used as part of a writing unit or as part of a film study. Students will write and develop a film review suitable for publication in a school newspaper read by Year 12 students. The review must be based on a film studied in class.
 * Context/setting:**

Teachers should be aware that there are many reviews on popular films available via the internet. This activity should be worked on in class under teacher supervision to ensure authenticity. Teachers may guide students through the initial tasks, helping them to make suitable language choices. Teachers may demonstrate how the techniques/language choices used in the samples in the activity can be applied to the students’ own writing. As students develop their final drafts, teachers can offer appropriate guidance that writing may need further work on ideas, language, structure or accuracy in spelling, punctuation or paragraphing. Teachers may not correct errors, rewrite sentences or suggest specific ideas. Students should have access to dictionaries to check their writing. Word processing is acceptable providing it is done under teacher supervision.
 * Conditions:**

Teachers are directed to Explanatory Notes 10 -12 in the achievement standard.

Access to film reviews of films other than the one being studied. Access to dictionaries and computers as appropriate.
 * Resource requirements:**

=2007 =


 * Internal Assessment Resource**

Subject Reference: **English 2.2**

**Everyone is a critic**
Achievement Standard 90376 Produce crafted and developed formal transactional writing Credits: 3

**Student Instructions Sheet**

In this activity you will write a film review of at least 500 words on a film studied in class. The review will be suitable for publication in a school newspaper, with a readership of Year 12 students and your teacher.

Before you begin writing you will work through some introductory activities to prepare you to write your review.

You will be assessed on how well you: ·  express, develop and support your opinions about the film ·  your ability to use a writing style suitable to the task and audience ·  how well you organise your material ·  your accuracy in spelling, punctuation, grammar, syntax, paragraphing.

 Going to the movies, buying a book, renting a DVD, buying a CD or computer game all cost time and money. The number of choices you are presented with as a consumer is staggering. A good review can help people make an informed decision that will reduce the amount of time and money they waste on products that turn out to be less than satisfying.
 * Introduction**


 * Task 1: Reviewing what you already know**


 * a)  **As a class discuss these questions about receiving opinions and making decisions:

·  How do you usually decide which films or videos you want to see? ·  Whose opinion would you trust if they recommended a film or video? Why? ·  Whose opinion would you not trust at all? Why not? ·  What would convince you to trust the judgement of someone you didn’t know who recommended a film? ·  Do you ever read, listen to, or look at reviews? Are there any reviewers whose opinion you particularly trust? Which TV shows, radio stations, internet sites, newspapers or magazines have reviews that you would trust? Why?


 * Task 2:** **Giving an informal spoken film review**

·  Briefly explain the genre of the film, the overall intentions of the director, and a brief plot summary. ·  Choose three particular aspects of the film such as special effects, acting, camera work, scariness, and evaluate how effective each aspect was, by referring to specific examples. ·  Give your partner a clear recommendation as to whether he or she should view it or not.
 * a)  **Give an **informal spoken review** of a film to a partner. Think of a film you know well. Without revealing the name of the film, or giving really obvious hints such as the name of characters or actors:


 * b)  **Your partner will now ‘review’ your oral review by discussing each of the following aspects with you:

·  How clear was the speaker’s opinion? ·  Did he/she give you an overview of the film so that the comments and examples made sense? ·  Did the speaker give away too much information about the film? (for example by revealing surprises in the plot, or how the film ended?) ·  How well did the speaker support his or her opinion with specific examples from the film? ·  Did the speaker evaluate the film in relation to the intentions of the director? For example it might be unfair to criticise a romance film for not having exciting special effects, or a science fiction film for not being realistic. ·  Did the speaker give you a clear enough idea about the film for you to make a reasonable decision whether or not you would enjoy it?

=Task 3: Judging a film on its own merits =


 * a)  **Write down three different genres of films that you are particularly familiar with, such as action, romance, period drama, art house, horror.


 * b)  **For each genre draw a large circle. Arrange the circles so that they all intersect.


 * c)  **Brainstorm at least five qualities that you think a successful film in that genre should have. In the intersecting parts of the circles record the aspects that are common to all films.

It is important when you review a film that you evaluate it in **relation to its genre and the intentions of its director**. It would be unfair to criticise a romantic comedy such as __Sleepless in Seattle__ because it did not have enough action or special effects, but it would be reasonable to criticise it if the two lead actors did not make you care whether they got together or not.




 * Task 4: Building a vocabulary ‘toolbox’**


 * a)  **Read at least three film reviews. Your teacher will provide some examples, or give you some suggestions where you might find some. As you read you will develop a vocabulary toolbox of typical words and phrases that describe different aspects of films by adding them to the table below.


 * b)  **Share the vocabulary you find as a class. Add new terms to your own toolbox.

**Film Review Vocabulary Toolbox**
 * **Camera work**

visually stunning technically superb dull || **Lighting**

sumptuous evocative atmospheric || **Special Effects**

over-the-top stunning budget state-of-the-art || ** Acting and Casting**

wooden convincing believable accomplished inspired ||
 * **Costume**

award-winning period stylish || **Plot**

predictable original muddled climax || **Dialogue**

leaden stilted realistic contrived || **Pace**

drawn-out bum-numbing tightly-scripted fast moving ||  **Task 5: Planning your review**

Record notes on these questions: ·  what is the director’s main aim? ·  what type of film is it supposed to be? ·  who is the target audience? ·  how is the film intended to make them feel or think?
 * a)  **Record important details about the film you class has viewed such as: the title, director, genre, date of production, country of origin, and names of main actors.


 * b)  **Decide whether your review will be positive, negative, or mixed.


 * c)  **Read the table below showing how one student evaluated different aspects of the film __Dracula__ to prepare for his film review.

// For Keanu Reeves to seem like an innocent hero. // // Wynona Ryder is supposed to be the woman that Dracula gave up his immortal soul for. // || // Yes // // No // // No // || // Oldman is such a good actor that you really believe in his love for his dead wife. When he first sees the photo of Mina his eyes look sad and gentle even though the rest of him is so grotesque. // // His performance is stilted. When he gets married to Mina it looks like he is reading his lines off an autocue. Next to Oldman and Anthony Hopkins he just looks useless. // // She’s just like Keanu. You don’t ever believe that she’s English. Even when she is supposed to be feeling passionate (like when she got married to Jonathon and when she started getting attracted to Dracula) she’s no different. // || 
 * ====**Aspect**==== || **Director’s intention** || **Intention achieved?** || **Supporting explanation and examples** ||
 * ** Acting ** || // For Dracula to be scary and repulsive, but somehow sympathetic at the same time. //
 * ** Atmosphere ** || // To use colour and lighting to create the horror mood. // || // Sort of // || // Beginning is excellent – the blood-washed screen when he stabs the crucifix, the way the sky changed from blue to red when Jonathon left London and arrived in Transylvania, the screen is tinted red every time Dracula is around to create a mood of horror. It gets boring because he doesn’t use any different techniques after the first half hour. // ||
 * ** Pace ** || // To keep us interested and to get us on the edge of our seats – will Dracula steal Mina’s soul forever? // || // No // || // It’s too slow and repetitive. It lasts for 130 minutes but it seems even longer. // ||
 * d)  **Choose the three or four aspects of the film for review that you feel contribute most to its overall success or failure of the film. Make up and complete a chart using the same four headings from task 5(c):


 * **Aspect** || **Director’s intention** || **Intention achieved?** || **Supporting explanation and examples** ||

Read the following review that one student wrote about the film __Bram Stoker’s Dracula__ directed by Francis Ford Coppola. Also read the annotations about **structure** and **language** and answer the questions.
 * Task 6: Reading a student’s review**

  ·  background information  ·  genre  ·  director  ·  writer’s opinion of film. ||  ·  a pun  ·  a rhetorical question  ·  listing. Why has the writer used these techniques? ||
 * ==** Introduction **==
 * **Language** ||
 * =====**Structure**===== ||
 * In the introduction, find an example of:


 * ==** //Deadly Dull Dracula// **==

** //Review of __Bram Stoker’s Dracula__ directed by Francis Ford Coppola// **
//I am the Count and I luvvvve to count. Anyone who has taken on the huge job of counting all the Dracula and vampire stories which have been made now has one more to add to their list – __Bram Stoker’s Dracula__ directed by Francis Ford Coppola. We all know how it goes: nocturnal, neck-biting, blood-sucking, castles, coffins, garlic, stakes through the heart. We already know every Dracula cliché there is. We’ve seen Buffy. And Sesame Street. Do we really need another vampire film? Does it add anything? Does it really, count? I don’t think so.// // The story begins in 1462. On finding his wife has been tricked into killing herself, Vlad takes his revenge on the world by turning himself into the blood-sucking vampire Dracula (Gary Oldman). 400 years later Jonathon (Keanu Reeves, a real estate agent, visits his castle. Dracula sees a photo of Keanu’s fiancée, Mina, (Winona Ryder) who looks just like his dead wife, and decides to travel to London to see if they can patch things up. // // There are some strong performances, and some which really need to be laid to rest - preferably six feet under. Gary Oldman is excellent as Dracula. He is totally believable as a handsome young hero at the beginning and as a love-sick vampire later. When his wife dies and he goes into a rage and stabs the cross I felt sorry for him and shocked that he could do such a terrible, blasphemous thing. // ||

Summarises the film to give reader a general idea of what the film is about without ‘ruining’ it by giving away any surprises. ||
 * ** Plot Overview **
 * ==** Acting **==

Gives two brief contrasting evaluations with supporting details from the film. ||

// Coppola creates a strong vampirish atmosphere, but to the point of overkill. Take his use of colour. As you might expect there is quite a bit of red and black in the film. When he stabs the cross, blood pours not just from the cross itself but from the sides and top of the screen to show the extent to which he had turned on God. When Jonathon leaves London the sky is bright blue but as he approaches Transylvania the sky is awash with red. Whenever Dracula is in the frame everything is tinted with red to create a real sense of blood and danger. This had me fascinated at first but unfortunately Coppola uses this one technique so much that you are soon longing to see a few other colours as well, and you begin to see it as an unoriginal and annoying gimmick. // // The biggest fault in this film is the pace. The first half hour is great. I found the elaborate period costumes, the set design, and the excellent camera work all riveting. It was different from any film I had ever seen before. Unfortunately the film keeps on going, very, very slowly for another 100 tedious minutes. The pace was so slow that it gave me too much time to think, and what I began to think was boring, boring, boring! // //__ Bram Stoker’s Dracula __//// is based on a famous novel, made by a famous director, and stars famous actors. There are aspects of the film that are very good when you think about them by themselves. Unfortunately, when you put them all together, you’ve got a film that deserves a stake through its heart. // || Discusses atmosphere by focusing particularly on one aspect. Opinion is supported with specific examples. Concludes this section by making a strong statement of the writer’s opinion. || <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  simile <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  metaphor <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  a pun Why has the writer used each technique? || Note how the writer has organised the aspects in reverse order of effectiveness. Statements about acting are reasonably positive, atmosphere less positive, and pace negative. Why is the review organised in this way? ||
 * // When he sees the photo of Mina I felt scared for her and Jonathon. His love for her, even though perverted and murderous, was believable. On the other hand Keanu Reeves is as wooden as one of Dracula’s coffins, and it is hardly believable that anyone would give up their immortal soul for someone as inexpressive and irritating as Wynona Ryder. //
 * ==** Atmosphere **==
 * In the body of the review, find an example of:
 * ==** Pace **==
 * ==** Conclusion **==

Restates writer’s opinion and finishes review with a strong statement. ||


 * Task 7: Writing your first draft**


 * a)  **Write a catchy title for your review.

·  the title of the film, director, principal actors ·  the genre and the director’s intention ·  your opinion of the film.
 * b)  **Write an introduction that grabs the reader’s attention and clearly states:


 * c)  **Write a short paragraph giving an entertaining overview of the film.


 * d)  **Write one paragraph for each aspect that you have chosen to evaluate, developing details from the table you completed in Task 5.


 * e)  **Write a concluding paragraph that restates your opinion of the film and ends your review strongly.

=<span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'">Task 8: Craft your writing =


 * a)  **Read over your writing and then edit it by using the techniques mentioned in the student review of __Bram Stoker’s Dracula__ in Task 6 as a checklist.


 * b)  **Check all your spelling, punctuation, grammar, syntax and paragraphing.


 * c)  **Before you develop your draft to its finished state, read the exemplars on pages 11 to 16. Talk about the strengths and the areas they could be improved. You may not use any of this material in your own review.

·  develop and support your opinions about the film ·  use language appropriate for an review and for a readership of Year 12 students and your teacher ·  follow a suitable review structure ·  use writing conventions accurately (spelling, punctuation, grammar, syntax, paragraphing).
 * d)  **Your finished review will be at least 500 words long. It will:

<span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"> **//<span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'">Exemplar A: Not Achieved //** <span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'">achievement criteria assessing: <span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  <span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'">ideas <span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  <span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'">crafting <span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  <span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'">structure. || <span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'">achievement criteria assessing: <span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: Arial"> ·   <span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'">conventions. || =// BILLY ELLIOT Film Review // =
 * ** Deeper features: **
 * ** Surface features: **

<span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  awkward expression in several places. <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  incorrect/ inappropriate word choices || //Set in a small British town called Durham the story of a young boy Billy Elliot is told in the year of 1984 where a small community has been taken over by a Minors Strike.//
 * ** Writing is not crafted: **

<span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  intrusive errors in <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·   syntax <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  spelling <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  and paragraphing throughout. Titles not underlined. NB: a few random errors, or minor editing lapses, are acceptable.)  || //Billy Elliot has a fresh, new angle to it and is a story well told which is proven by all of the awards this movie has won.//
 * ** Writing conventions ** **are** **not used accurately throughout:**

//The director Stephen Daldrey, a new comer to films has done a realistic movie which people can relate to and emphisise with the characters – Imagine a small working clas family who are getting no income due to a minors strike for a whole year and that same family dealing with the loss of a reasontely passed mother and one word springs to mind, tension.//

//The acting in this film Billy Elliot is inspiring and believeable from the very start.//

muddled commentary on the film. Some limited supporting detail. || //The pace was tightly scripted as viewers sat glued to there seats hoping for Billys Ballet future and sympathizing for the Nana who was told to be quiet time and time again by Jackie Elliot (Gary Lewis).//
 * ** Ideas are not developed ** :

//Billy is an eleven year old boy who while boxing comes across a group of young girls doing Ballet who are sharing the same hall due to the minors strike and becomes rather intreiged by what he witnesses and before you know it Billy is a regular Ballet dancer. In the film there is a good use of contrast with the Ballet lessons and the Minors yelling at the “scabs” in one scene, also there is as good use of camera shots where Billy finds his freedom for example and runs along the road with a view of the ocean behind him.//

//Billy Elliot is an inspiration for the way he can break out of the expectations and traditions that surround him, as he was expected to become a Minor like his father and older brother and stay in his home town for his life where as Billy has greater and higher accomplishments on his mind and works hard at his goal with help from Mrs Wilkinson (Julie Walters) the Ballet instructor who takes Billy under her wing and becomes like mother figure to Billy and treats him as an adult. Julie Walters performance in this film is incredible which is backed up by the awards she has won from this feature.//

//Billy played by Jamie Bell also puts up an overall excellent performance with his package of good acting and dancing the provides a fresh exciting new feel to this movie and also has won individual awards. The character Billy shows responsibility from the very beginning as he prepares breakfast for his Nana and then chases after her through a nearby field as poor old Nan likes to wander. He is also a very caring boy who is kind and happy. Billy shows his happiness in the opening scene where he bounces on his bed to one of his brothers records which shows his energy and keenness to life.// <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  jumbled introduction <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  attempt made to express points in paragraphs, Paragraphs not well linked. ·  weak conclusion: details of characterisation inappropriate at this point. Minimal overview / summation. ||
 * ** Writing has some overall structure, but with weaknesses: **

//The beauty of this film is the characters who touch Billys life like Mrs Wilkinson the Ballet instructor and when Jackie Elliot finally realizes Billys talent. This movie is really good for all ages and although a drama has also a lot of comedy throughout it.// <span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"> achievement criteria assessing: <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  conventions. || achievement criteria assessing: <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  ideas <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  crafting <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  structure. || <span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"> titles underlined, correct syntax, paragraphing, punctuation and spelling. (NB: a few random errors, or minor editing lapses, are acceptable.) || reasonably clear expression and appropriate language use. Lacks degree of control needed for merit. Some variety of syntax and diction, although repetitive in places (eg //“great”).// || // “One blood is the life and it shall be mine”. Yes there was plenty of blood and plenty of great effects in Francis Ford Coppola’s new film __‘Bram Stoker’s__ Dracula.’ A movie needs more than effects though. __Dracula__ was a bit boring with the drawn out story. The cast didn’t act to their full potential and were dull, but Coppola made up for this by using great special effects, costume, lighting and make-up. // // The film did an excellent job in the special effects department. When Vlad the Impaler stabbed the cross after finding out that his wife had committed suicide, blood poured out everywhere until the whole screen was flowing with blood. This was great because it was so unexpected and it showed what a terrible thing he had done. All that blood was a great introduction to his new life as a vampire and got us in the mood for a good vampire movie. // // Coppola also used lighting cleverly. When Dracula or any of the other vampires were around, the lighting would turn red to show that there was danger. When there were no vampires it would turn blue to give a sense of safety. For example when Jonathon (Keanu Reeves) was leaving London the sky was blue because he was safe, but as he entered Transylvannia the background turned red because he was entering dangerous vampire country. // // Costuming showed me the time the film was set in and this also was a technique that Coppola used well. One way it was good was because the costumes’ colour showed what was going on. Mina always wore blue because she was a nice, safe, quiet girl, but her friend Lucy always wore red because she was wild and outgoing. // A number of straighforward points made about the film, supported with relevant examples. || // A technique that won Coppola an Academy Award was make-up. Dracula’s physical shape changed almost all the time, from a handsome young man to a wrinkly, 400 year old vampire and then back again, into a bat and a posse of rats. The make-up was so well done that you really believed that he could change like this and helped show how powerful he was. // // The problem was that the film is long and confusing. After 135 minutes it really did lose the plot. Part of the problem was that there were too many stories happening at the same time: Dracula in London trying to seduce Mina, Van Helsing trying to track down Dracula, Lucy getting used to being a vampire… Scenes seemed to jump from one to another and by the time the stories connected and began to make sense, it was too late. // <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  an introduction <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  several points expressed in  paragraphs ·  a conclusion which sums up the writer’s overall opinion of the film. || // The best things about the film were all the techniques that Coppola used and it was also good to find out about the original Dracula story. The worst parts are that the film was too long and slow moving and the acting was dull, but this was made up for by the makeup, costume, lighting and special effects. It was a movie that was enjoyable to watch if you are in the right mood -and if you have plenty of time. // <span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"> = || Deeper features: achievement criteria assessing: <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  ideas <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  crafting <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  structure.
 * ** Surface features: **
 * //<span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'">Exemplar B: Achievement //**
 * ** Deeper features: **
 * // GREAT EFFECTS, BUT…. //**
 * // Bram Stoker’s Dracula //**<span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'">
 * ** Writing conventions ** **are** **used accurately throughout:**
 * ** Writing is crafted: **
 * ** Ideas are developed ** **and** **supported:**
 * ** Writing is structured: **
 * //<span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'">Exemplar C: Merit //**

|| Surface features: <span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'">achievement criteria assessing: <span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  <span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'">conventions. || // DANCING TOWARDS YOUR HEART //= || ** Ideas are developed ** **and** **supported convincingly:** but not convincingly (required for excellence). Discussion is too plottish in parts. || titles underlined, correct syntax, paragraphing, punctuation and spelling. (NB: a few random errors, or minor editing lapses, are acceptable.) || //“Just because I like ballet doesn’t mean I’m a poof”. An eleven year old boy wanting to do ballet, surrounded by a macho mining community. Sound a bit unbalanced? This must see movie directed by Stephen Daldry really pin-points the fact that not all male ballet dancers are ‘poofs’. With the superb storyline, outstanding acting and creative cinematography it isn’t any wonder why this film has been nominated for so many awards.//
 * //Billy Elliot//**
 * ** Writing conventions ** **are** **used accurately throughout:**

<span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  a challenging introduction <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  paragraphed discussion of storyline, acting, cinematography ·  a conclusion that echoes the introduction. || despite some fluency lapses. Does not ‘command attention’ (needed for excellence). || Some thoughtful comments made. || //Set in Durham, North East England, __Billy Elliot__ is the story of an eleven year old boy who is lost in the muddle of a family grieving and the historical 1984 miners’ strike. Jackie Elliot (Gary Lewis) and Tony Elliot (Jamie Draven), are both miners that are struggling to cope with the pressures of a mainly mining community in strife. To carry on the family tradition Jackie makes his son Billy, (Jamie Bell) take boxing lessons. This is so he can be just as tough as his older brother Tony, all ready for a tough life in the mining industy. It just so happens that Billy stumbles across a ballet class after one of his boxing lessons, and decides to give it a go. Soon realizing that this is his way of expressing himself, he starts attending ballet classes during his boxing lessons. Billy’s dance teacher, Mrs Wilkinson (Julie Walters) soon notices his incredible rhythm and expression. It is not until Billy gets caught going to ballet lessons by Jackie that the true beauty of the film begins to develop. As with all male ballet dancers Billy is immediately given the stereotypical label of being gay and his determination to prove to his father and brother that he is not is truly inspiring. He doesn’t get off to a good start however. Telling his father that lots of men do ballet was fine, but then Billy mentions Wayne Sleep. Not a good example, (but a very humourous one) for a boy accused of being gay to use.//
 * ** Writing is clearly structured: **
 * ** Writing is crafted and controlled, **
 * ** Ideas are developed ** **and** **supported convincingly:**

//With spell bounding performances from Jamie Bell, (Billy Elliot) and Gary Lewis, (Jackie Elliot), the reality of the fresh original storyline is easy to see. By casting Jamie Bell as the sincere Billy Elliot his previous ‘inexistence’ as an actor means there are no images of him from previous movies. His long history in dance is evident in the film as he shows so much enthusiasm and energy just like Billy. The tough look of Gary Lewis (Jackie Elliot) really makes you sympathize Billy and his troubles with his father. One particular scene when Billy is caught doing ballet by Jackie, the harsh look on Gary Lewis’s face really emphasizes the angry person within.//

but not integrated (required for excellence). Some generalisations and superficiality detract. || Reasonable range of vocabulary and sentence structures, but clichés detract. Does not command attention (needed for excellence). || //Special mention must be made to Brian Tufano for his outstanding achievements in the area of cinematography. The contrasting camera shots, lighting and scenery all change tremendously throughout the film which will leave you understanding poor Billy’s struggle between what he loves and what he fears. Whenever Billy is dancing to tranquil music, he is surrounded by giggling girls in white tutu’s. This image is consistently contrasted to the violent, dark riot scenes. The effect of this is really a must-see. It is both stunning to the heart and eye.//
 * ** Ideas are developed **
 * ** Writing is crafted and controlled: **

//With a running time of 110 minutes this captivating movie contains scenes for all viewers. There’s comedy, drama, dance, history, the list is endless.//

//So if you are waiting for the next best thing since sliced bread be sure to dance your way into the inspiring tale of a young boy’s love for dance.// <span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"> <span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'"> achievement criteria assessing: <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  ideas <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  crafting <span style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  structure. || <span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'">achievement criteria assessing: <span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol"> ·  <span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'">conventions. ||
 * ** Deeper features: **
 * ** Surface features: **
 * //<span style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'">Exemplar D: Excellence //**

**//Review of __Bram Stoker’s Dracula__ directed by Francis Ford Coppola//**
effective varying of sentence lengths for emphasis. Sustained use of humour / puns throughout. || introduction indicates the tone of the review. || //I am the Count and I luvvvve to count. Anyone who has taken on the huge job of counting all the Dracula and vampire stories which have been made now has one more to add to their list – __Bram Stoker’s Dracula__ directed by Francis Ford Coppola. We all know how it goes: nocturnal, neck-biting, blood-sucking, castles, coffins, garlic, stakes through the heart. We already know every Dracula cliché there is. We’ve seen Buffy. And Sesame Street. Do we really need another vampire film? Does it add anything? Does it really, count? I don’t think so.//
 * ** Writing is crafted, controlled and commands attention: **
 * ** Writing is clearly and effectively structured: **

titles underlined, correct syntax, paragraphing, punctuation and spelling. (NB: a few random errors, or minor editing lapses, are acceptable) || //The story begins in 1462. On finding his wife has been tricked into killing herself, Vlad takes his revenge on the world by turning himself into the blood-sucking vampire Dracula (Gary Oldman). 400 years later Jonathon (Keanu Reeves, a real estate agent, visits his castle. Dracula sees a photo of Keanu’s fiancée, Mina, (Winona Ryder) who looks just like his dead wife, and decides to travel to London to see if they can patch things up.//
 * ** Writing conventions ** **are** **used accurately throughout:**

//There are some strong performances, and some which really need to be laid to rest - preferably six feet under. Gary Oldman is excellent as Dracula. He is totally believable as a handsome young hero at the beginning and as a love-sick vampire later. When his wife dies and he goes into a rage and stabs the cross I felt sorry for him and shocked that he could do such a terrible, blasphemous thing. When he sees the photo of Mina I felt scared for her and Jonathon. His love for her, even though perverted and murderous, was believable. On the other hand Keanu Reeves is as wooden as one of Dracula’s coffins, and it is hardly believable that anyone would give up their immortal soul for someone as inexpressive and irritating as Wynona Ryder.//

//Coppola creates a strong vampirish atmosphere, but to the point of overkill. Take his use of colour. As you might expect there is quite a bit of red and black in the film. When he stabs the cross, blood pours not just from the cross itself but from the sides and top of the screen to show the extent to which he had turned on God. When Jonathon leaves London the sky is bright blue but as he approaches Transylvania the sky is awash with red. Whenever Dracula is in the frame everything is tinted with red to create a real sense of blood and danger. This had me fascinated at first but unfortunately Coppola uses this one technique so much that you are soon longing to see a few other colours as well, and you begin to see it as an unoriginal and annoying gimmick.// Sustains a real sense of audience. ||
 * ** Ideas are developed ** **and integrated** **convincingly:** balances positive aspects with criticisms. ||
 * ** Writing is crafted, controlled and commands attention: ** effectively combines sophisticated diction with informal register. Skilfully integrates humour.

purposefully builds argument throughout, reinforced by conclusion. || //The biggest fault in this film is the pace. The first half hour is great. I found the elaborate period costumes, the set design, and the excellent camera work all riveting. It was different from any film I had ever seen before. Unfortunately the film keeps on going, very, very slowly for another 100 tedious minutes. The pace was so slow that it gave me too much time to think, and what I began to think was boring, boring, boring!//
 * ** Writing is clearly and effectively structured: **

//__Bram Stoker’s Dracula__ is based on a famous novel, made by a famous director, and stars famous actors. There are aspects of the film that are very good when you think about them by themselves. Unfortunately, when you put them all together, you’ve got a film that deserves a stake through its heart.//

<span style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"> Craft writing to create effects which are appropriate to audience, purpose and text type. Structure material in a way that is appropriate to audience, purpose and text type. Use writing conventions accurately. || Refer to annotated achievement exemplar B on page 12. || Craft controlled writing to create effects which are appropriate to audience, purpose and text type. Structure material clearly in a way that is appropriate to audience, purpose and text type. Use writing conventions accurately. || Refer to annotated merit exemplar C on page 14. || Craft controlled writing to create effects which are appropriate to audience, purpose and text type, and which commands attention. Structure material clearly and effectively in a way that is appropriate to audience, purpose and text type. Use writing conventions accurately. || Refer to annotated excellence exemplar D on page 15. ||
 * Assessment Schedule **** Eng/2/2_D5 **** : **
 * Produce crafted and developed formal transactional writing **
 * || ** Descriptor ** || ** Example ** ||
 * ** Achievement ** || Develop and support ideas in a piece of formal transactional writing.
 * ** Achievement with Merit ** || Develop and support ideas convincingly in a piece of formal transactional writing.
 * ** Achievement with Excellence ** || Develop and integrate ideas convincingly, in a piece of formal transactional writing.